Are we Addicted to the Pain?

We humans are twisted creature. The more you think about it the more you will start feeling the same.

We humans as kids, continue begging to grow up. When we do get old, all we want is to go back to the time when we were kids. Basically, what we ask for, we don't get and what we get we don't want. The thing is we just can't be happy with what we have. Either we will be waiting for the future, with a hope that tomorrow will be better or we will keep lurking over the past, crying over the memories, pining about the time we once were having, the things we once had, the people who were there then.

But let's stop for a minute and think about it. Why is it? Why do we have to keep crying over something that could be real pity and insignificant that we fail to see so many other wonderful things that may have been happening around us, most probably, something better. Well, I have an opinion.


What I feel is, we have become so habitual of being in pain, that when we actually are happy, we feel the incompleteness, the void, which can be filled with the pain. We have moulded ourselves in a way that we have become incapable of being happy. We smile, we laugh, but the moment we realise we are having a good time, we are happy, we get scared. We get so scared of being happy that we chose to stay sad and pathetic. In the early stages we justify this by saying whenever we are happy something bad happens so we are afraid. But in reality we are just afraid to feel the positivity, the light.

It's like we have accepted the fact that this is who we are, this is how it's gonna be. We still are that 8 year old kid, who is hidden in the corner of the room, afraid to come out, for what we might have to encounter. We have gotten comfortable in the dark corner that we refuse to find out what's there out in the world, so we end up staying there and are devoid of all the good things.

We refuse to see the light. The pain and sorrow have such a hold on us that we don't want to let go of it. We connect to it, we are a whole with it. It is such a shame to see how we have ended up. We fail to see that we have to replace this darkness inside of us.

All our lives, we work, to have a better life tomorrow. All this time, we pray for health and happiness. We say, we hear, we read that happiness is not the destination but the journey. But we worry too much. We forbid ourselves from looking at the good things, from feeling the happiness.
I agree there are times when we  feel low, when we feel like we have run out of energy and we just can't move. We hate talking or laughing at such times even if we have genuine reasons to do so, but such rare incidents are understandable, but when we are in this zone, in this dark place most of the time, it is just not justifiable. All I am saying is, to feel low is perfectly normal, but being addicted to this pain is not right. We have to be strong.

I know it is hard to let go. I know changes are not easy. To accept that this is the time when we have to agree to be free of this chain is not all can do. To be in a stagnant place is always easy even if the place is painful. Not all have the courage to move forward. We have this habit of getting comfortable way too easily, to adjust way too much. We may be realising that we need to let something go, but then comes the harder part where we need to act, where we need to take a step forward. This step would decide the course of our lives. If we chose to continue on the same path, we will be choosing pain again. This would be the easiest option but we will be aching all over it. The alternate route is the one where we need to be strong, where we need to choose things for us, to make changes. This may seem like a difficult thing to do after all the time we have suffered, for we have gotten used to it. But on a long term, this would be the one which would give us the freedom, the ease, the comfort.

We just need to be strong for that one moment, when we decide. We need just one moment to alter our fate. Just one moment and it can all get perfect for us. This moment, may seem like a big deal if we keep thinking about it. All the fears would try to hang as a cloud over us. It would freeze us and would eat up our ability to do what we are willing to do. But we need to overcome this stage. We need to skip it. We have to act at the very moment.

We need to allow ourselves to think about ourselves for a change, to be selfish once in a while, to do what makes us happy instead of bothering about what the other person/s might feel. Life is too short to be worrying about anything, and too unexpected to sit and wait for the good things. Because there is no key to a happy life. It is not even locked. It is right in front of us. All we need to do is take a step towards it, but we are too scared and nervous to do that. We have been walking over the aisle of thorns for too long that we have forgotten the beauty of the petals, the bed of roses.

So letting go might seem like the difficult thing to do, but trust me it is the easiest of all. We just gotta try.

This post is just an attempt to remind you of how easy it is to let go of the fear. All we have to do is pick the damn side, the good one.

The Fear

Long ago, there was a time when the women of the house used to stay indoors and the males of the society were supposed to do all the outdoor activities. With time changed the cultures and the thinking of the people and thus began the modernization.

Now, women are as free and independent as the men of the society. They work like them, sometimes even better; they never stopped taking care of the families in the process. They should be proud of themselves and a sense of pride should be there. But is it pride? No, it is fear.

Fear: fear of eve teasing, of getting raped, kidnapped or murdered.  We, the women may have succeeded in changing the culture of the society but the society has failed us. Here I don't intend to say women are always the victims or victims are always women. My intentions are to focus on the fear that persists in every woman’s mind that doesn't allow her to feel free.

When a girl is born in our society, parents want to be happy for an Angel has been born, but with that is a fear, for her safety, for her wellbeing. They are marked the 'burden' the moment they are born. A mother will have to constantly worry about her daughter now. A father has to protect her from the wild creatures that may exist in her surroundings. A brother has to take care of her and be her bodyguard wherever and whenever possible. She truly is a burden who will make all of their lives hell at some point.

Then there comes a time, living all those years, listening to how unsafe it is for a girl to go out, a girl doesn't want to go out anymore. Even if she does, she has this constant fear, of what may come next to her.

When she walks on the street, she hopes she is not getting stalked, when she's in a vehicle she puts all her faith in the God hoping that the driver won't turn out to be some psychopath. She has made up her mind in a way that when she’s safe, she thinks she is being pitied upon. When she reaches back home after work safely, she feels like she has survived another day as if she was in between the starving lions.

She may be tagged free, strong and independent but the truth is: she is not. She can't wear what she wants to, to avoid those penetrating eyes; she can't go out once its dark, to avoid any mishap. She can’t even opt for a better career option that involved living in a city all by herself, all alone, to avoid any bad thing remotely possible. All her decisions involves thinking about it twice, once to find out the impact on her parents(Society) and then to identify any kind of threat involved(If she’ll be safe!). About her choice, her happiness, she can’t give it a single thought.

A million such examples can be listed, million cases have been reported.

She is not strong; she has lost her ability to trust. She has to analyze everyone to look out for any wrong indication, which in turn controls her from speaking her mind. Is she free when she has to look out if the colleague who is being friendly is there to help or is a trouble. She has lost her freedom.

She is not safe in her office, or in her own house, or on the streets. Where is she supposed to go where she won't need to live in that constant fear!

How can she be called independent when she has to rely on a male to go out and return safely? Truly said she is a burden.

She has to sacrifice her own life because her parents want to give up the ‘Responsibility’ and make her someone else’s tension(Burden). So, she gets married. She has to sacrifice her career because she won’t be safe away from home. So she stays at home, learning to cook when the people who should be grounded are those monsters who consider her just another THING, just some OBJECT.

She is being punished for being a girl when the criminals roam around free, targeting their next victim.

One thing I don’t get is, if a person doesn't have the sense of what is right and what is wrong and who can get involved in such a crime, why does the criminal get to go free? Why the girl is claimed embarrassment and she is the one to kill herself? Why does the society punish the victim again and the criminal just enjoys the freedom, one step closer to ruining one more life.

  

Why does a girl have to live like that? If men in the society could just stop acting like a villain here, she can be happy too. I am not asking men to do anything for the POOR ladies, I am just asking them to not do anything. Just let us live our lives in peace. Let us say what we want to, let us live how we want to, If we won't have any murderer/rapist/stalker around us, we won't need to live like anything can happen to us the next minute.  We don't ask for your help, we just don't want trouble from you. But this could be a slow solution, so until then you, the good guys, can lend us a hand too, to fight for our safety, as we are your sisters, wives, mothers or friends.

I am not in a place to talk big or curse what's wrong because whatever bad is around us, a part of us is guilty too. We should have spoken earlier. People have been speaking, we should have listened. But now when the water is over the head, we gotta do something. Let's just stop tolerating the wrong, let's try to do the right thing here. 

We want to feel safe again, we want to be free again . We deserve a safe society, we deserve respect.

Women - Unite for your own safety. Today it may be for someone else, tomorrow it could be you. Men - Fight for your ladies, for you family, for your nation. Do the right thing. Unite for a better future.

Hope

We humans are so vulnerable, so volatile but we still smile. We are miserable but we know how to survive. We are sad but we have been smiling. Why? We hope.
Hope.
It can give a man another chance at life if only he hopes.
It can bring sunshine in those dark disastrous storms, if only we hope.
It can turn all those tears into laughters, if only there is hope.

We may hear this phrase so much that keep praying, God will help you. This phrase has been giving hope to people all their lives. These bunch of letters have saved more lives than an entire team of life-savers at the bedside. In all the dark times, if a man loses faith, that the time is gonna change and it is going to be all good soon, he loses everything, So, have faith. Have hope. Because you never know what the next moment may bring for you.

All you gotta do is stick to it, play your part and The Man upstairs, The Almighty God will make it all okay.

Think about all the bad times you had in past years and now think what if you would have stopped believing that it will be fine and instead, you lost it. Would you have survived it? No. But you were strong enough to survive that. You have done it once, you can do it again.

If you think you are not strong enough, you are wrong. You hold the power to change your destiny, you have it in you to change what has been written for you. But you have to have faith, you have to keep believing and you have to keep giving your best shot.

Life's tough, but it is worth all the pain. It might not turn out to be as good as you hoped it to be but sooner or later you will learn that you have got what's best for you.

All those dark days and darker nights when you think this is it, this is the end and you won't be able to get out of the situation, you got to block all the negativity, you gotta stop yourself from going down that lane of self pity and guilt, and pull yourself together and decide to laugh at the situation as it is not going to be the same the next day or next hour or may be the next minute,

What's best is people never stop hoping, and this has helped the man so far and is going to continue too, Just think about it, whatever is troubling you at this very moment, is it worth going through all that misery? Would it even matter 5 years from now? Does it even matter that much to you? We humans have been so addicted of being miserable that we have forgotten that it is us who control our feelings, our emotions. We are the masters of our own life so it is on us if we are sad as we have decided to be. Who has stopped you from being happy!

Hope like a child waiting for his parents to return, like a hungry man on the streets for some food, like a woman for her husband to return safely from the war, like a proud parent for the son to make them proud again, like a farmer for a better rain, like any other human being on the planet.

In all those rainy days, smile and hope that this rain would bring a rainbow, a clearer sky and a better day. Stop being sad and start hoping for a better future today.

Because Hoping is what makes us human in all those blues.